at the end of the fall

It's crazy how quickly everything can change. I've been living with these same nine people for the last six months, & we've been on quite the journey, learning how to trust & love. It's taken us across the world, to God's Holy City, Jerusalem, where we've all shared His heart for His people, bringing us closer to Him, together. But by this time tomorrow, I will be with completely new people, in a new location on the other side of the world, & I'll have a basket full of new responsibilities-all the while my family will still be here, living life together in our beloved little community.

This season of my life has been very different, very full, very cherished. It's appropriate that it was during the fall, as in autumn, because of my deep & constant humbling. I have never been so aware of my flesh & my broken humanity, but it has only led to my obvious, desperate need for the Lord. It has been so beautiful. I have learned to lean on my Beloved & from there love His people.

It's interesting how now, in my broken state, I feel ready for what lies ahead of me. I've decided to staff the Fire & Fragrance Discipleship Training School (DTS) in january, committing another six months to YWAM Kona. I have to leave Israel a week early for staff training, which explains the paragraph above. I feel like it's time to solidify my growth, in a way, & pour into this generation which is so chosen by the Lord. I will be discipling young girl, & simply exposing the depths of my heart to them, revealing out God's unfailing love & mercy & power. (I will also be leading an outreach somewhere, I don't know where yet, but when I do I'll let you know.)

And so, I must say "goodbye" to this season, "until next time" to my dear friends, & "hello" to this new path the Lord is taking me down. I am so thankful for all the support that I have gotten in this last season, financially & prayerfully. The Lord has done some miraculous providing, & I know He'll be faithful to do the same in these next six months. Since I am now staff, expenses will be a lot less, which is great! But I have been asked to have in $600 a month, at least. If you could at least go before the Lord & ask Him if you're to pledge a certain amount a month, or give a one time donation, or just back me up in prayer.

{Shalom}

This is His city

Shalom friends. I've been in Israel for a week now, & it has already stolen my heart (which I guess is a good thing since I'm going to spend eternity here with Jesus, eventually). I am staying in an apartment right in Jerusalem. I don't know how to fully describe this city or what I've felt since being here, but what I can say is that this truly is God's city. His presence is so tangible here & His voice so clear.

It just blows my mind that Jesus, this man that I've given everything to & everything up for, was here, walking these same streets, climbing these same hills to spend time with the Father. He was one with these people & still is. The Mount of Olives, which is right out my window, is where Jesus ascended into heaven & where He's coming back. I wonder how deep it can possibly sink in?

Goodness. This place. These people. The Jewish people. They really are the fullness of God's heart. They are the root of the olive tree we've been grafted into. The Lord put His firstborn, His chosen people, on the sidelines, hardening their hearts & closing their eyes to Him, so that the gentiles, that's me & a lot of you, could join the family & experience the God of salvation that they've always known. And now, our job is to provoke the Jewish people into jealousy by the way we love each other & love them. So if you want to know God's heart, know His people.

ps. just last week I was given $1,000 for outreach, so now I only need $425. The Lord is so good & faithful!

simplicity.

Goodness,it's been quite a while, quite the journey. I left for outreach two months ago, on september 22nd, and this morning I'm heading off to Israel for three weeks. Yeah, Israel. The question I've been getting the most, recently, is "are you ready (for Israel)?" Confidently, I can say yes. Why? Let me tell you.

Really quickly, here's where I've been so far: Boston, New Jersey & New York City, Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Ohio, Washington D.C., and Nashville. I wish I had the time and motivation to tell you all the times and trials that have prepared me for this next adventure, but I'm going to make it very short and simple.

Before I even left for outreach, my prayer was this, "Lord, teach me how to love." He began by taking me through the fire of my desperation, exposing my deepest, littlest fleshly desires, motivations, and weaknesses, and burning them away. He brought me to the humbling reality that I need Him. God revealed Himself to me in that He is love, and so, it takes Him to love. It takes God to love others. Further more, it takes God to love God. That's how much I need Him. It was a rough process of purification, but a life changing one and a blessed one.

The next fire He took me through was the fire of His own desire for me. He filled my brokenness with His mercy and power. He showed me that though my love for Him is weak, it is true, and in the end, that's all that matters. He will always be more committed to me than I could ever be to Him, so there's no sense in striving to be good enough; I never will be. But that's where the beauty is-He loves me so deeply and unconditionally, that He chooses to use my weakness, more than anything, to give Himself glory. His banner over me is love. This love is what raised Christ from the dead, and it is what is living and active inside of me. It's the most humbling and empowering thing in the world. In Romans 13:10, it says that if we simply love, then we fulfill all the requirements of the Lord. So He started by revealing Himself to me-that He is love-and then next, He revealed the truth that that love is also in me, whether I feel it or not. Woah.

Thirdly, He's taken me through the fire of sacrifice. The way that God ultimately showed His love for us was the the sacrifice of Jesus. 1 John 3:16 says, "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up His life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sister." Shoot. So I've learned that God is love, that I need His love, and that His love for me is everlasting-now it's my turn to love. Now, I can pour out my worship and my love on HIs feet all day, but the first commandment and second commandment go hand in hand-if I love God, I must love others. I love it! You have to have both; I can't truly love others if I don't love God, and I don't really love God if I don't love others. It's genius. Simple, sometimes hard, but genius. And since I'm living with nine other people who are all so different, but family, what a better time to live this out!

As soon as I told the Lord that I wanted to learn how to love this unique family that He's placed me in for this season, He began giving me His eyes for them, showing me who they really are and who they're called to be. He asked me to lay down my desires, plans, opinions, and my walls, and fully commit to lifting up and loving each brother and sister in the best way possible. Man, it has been hard, but when you're with a family who's all in the same boat-everyone dead to themselves and living for one another, then everyone's taken care of. It's the simplicity of sacrifice.

And now, I am ready, my family is ready, for Israel. In John 17:23, this is Jesus' prayer for His believers, "I am in them and you, Father, are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me." We plan to bring the revelation of Jesus as the Messiah to the Jewish people simply by the way we love each other. We'll let that love, His love in us, overflow into the ministry that we do. And so, to put it simply, I've learned what love really is and what it looks like. You've probably noticed that I use the words "simple" and "simply" a lot. That's because I've discovered the purpose of life, what everyone lives and dies to figure out-it's to simply love.

(and God is love. so you need God. boom.)

ps. is still need about $1,000 to stay in Israel. If you feel led to help me out, then awesome, you can use the donate button on here. thank you!

mac & cheese

Dear whoever,

This is my first blog, so a little grace would be much appreciated. I guess I should start off with a bit about myself. I am 19 years old, grew up in San Diego, California, & I have an absolutely wonderful family made up of a mom, a dad, a younger brother, & myself. I play the guitar & the piano & sing & write & paint. My three favorite foods in the whole world are doughnuts, bacon, & mac & cheese. I laugh a lot & cry a lot. I'm really good at wasting time. But more than anything, I am a lover & loved one of God.

I am currently in the School of Revival & Reformation at the University of the Nations in Kona, Hawaii. It is part of an organization called Youth With A Mission (YWAM), who's purpose is to know God & make Him known. I've been in the school for about two & a half months now for what we call the 'lecture phase', & in 19 days I will be leaving on an outreach to the East Coast of America for two months & then to Israel for one month. My team of ten is an amazing group of young people who have come together with a common goal-to be a true, living example of authentic community based on the raw & deep love of God, centered around the presence of the Holy Spirit, bringing revival & reformation to the churches & college campuses of America.

I have grown incredible amounts in the last couple of months in many different ways. For one, the Lord has brought me into full confidence of the sound that I carry & am called to release. He's given me an ear for the melodies & harmonies of heaven, a heart that beats parallel to His, & lips that have been anointed to sing that which I hear & feel. All of this of course is not for my own benefit or identity-being prone to fear & timidity, I am the least likely to make it very far without the divine take-over of the Lord.

Something that the Lord has most recently been speaking to me is this, "If you want to fly with Me, you must first get down on your knees, & just be with Me." Here's the deal you guys, if we want to see a revival that brings the return of the King in our time & fulfill the destiny of our generation, we need to be willing to humble ourselves & spend face time with our Creator. He just wants to be with us. This is why my biggest prayer for our generation is that we would truly encounter the love of God. When we realize how in love with us He really is & that He is more committed to us than we could ever be to Him, we can't help but respond & reciprocate with our love & simple devotion-this is when the things of earth grow strangely dim & the reality of heaven becomes clearer than ever. When we understand that He is all about us, how can we not make it all about Him? Because this is the truth: it is all about Jesus. We love because He first loved us. This is what I want to see in our generation. This is revival.